This month is all about Saints Row The Third.

In this show the trio, Greg Giddens, Neale Jarrett (Baron Von Pleb) and Mike Hirst share their experience with this crazy sandbox city title. Prepare yourselves for an hour of anecdotes and crazy stories which may entice you back to this great, utterly bonkers, game.

Of course it’s called Spoiler Alert for a reason, so expect stories about certain quests, and occurrences which you may not have experienced yourself.

So enjoy the podcast and continue to share your own adventures in the forums and the posts below.

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That awesome Battlefield 3 video Mike mentioned:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOaGhE_sejI

What have we been playing?

Matt completes Saints Row: The Third, and joins Daren in sharing their thoughts on The Darkness II Demo.

Daren discovers his new toilet iOS game, Temple Run, talks up the sensual iPad game Fingle and reviews the JAMBOX speaker by Jawbone.

In the news

No confirmed Diablo 3 release date but the console version is mostly confirmed, Resident Evil 6 and Mario Party 9 announced, Max Payne and X-Com shooter delays, Fallout: New Vegas ultimate edition details, Alienware PC / console love-child, Age of Booty coming to mobile and Mass Effect 3 to launch with Origin requirement.

Soundtrack of our gaming lives

In this episode,Daren selects the self-titled track from the upcoming Syndicate.

In addition you get the usual suspects; Retail Roundup, New Releases, DLC and the Sexy Quiz.

Subscribe to the show on iTunes & leave us a sexy review. Download direct or listen here.

As always we really appreciate feedback so tell us what you thought of the show or expand on the discussion points raised by leaving a comment.

This month Greg Giddens and Neale Jarrett (Baron Von Pleb) talk about Bayonetta.

We loved it, adored it even, and so did the community. The over the top, highly stylised, combat heavy adventure proved to be just as compelling now as it did back at release. Sure, its utterly bonkers plot and the aforementioned over the top style threatened to put people off but in the end the majority couldn’t help but fall in love with its charms.

This month’s recording features guest appearances from Mathew Moore and Derek McRoberts (DigitalPariah), in our new community interview section. If you’d like to be interviewed for our next Late to the Party recording, on Borderlands, then be sure to comment in the forum post and perhaps we’ll be in touch.

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This month’s winning comment is from DigitalPariah, and is as follows:

To start, I think I should state have a chequered history with this game.

I love the genre, being a fan of GOW, DMC, Dynasty Warriors and a lot of other Hack and Slash games that fail to come to mind at this time, but for me, Bayonetta seemed to tick a lot of boxes that made me NOT want to purchase it.

This is not as much for what the game did promise, which seemed to be gratuitous crotch and ass shots of a virtual woman, but was mainly due to the absolutely abysmal DMC3.

Not fair, I know, but regrettably that is how my mind worked.

Fast forward 12 months, and after hearing Matt raving about this game on a few occasions, and it being picked as game of the month, I picked it up for a bargain price of £6.99.

How wrong I was….

Maybe it’s the couple of years away from the genre, but this game is actually really enjoyable.

Influences of this game must be listed as well, the obvious ones being DMC for the style and sheer over the top plot and Max Payne for its obligatory Slo-Mo triggers. But the nod’s to Dante’s Inferno (the Divine comedy poem, not the dire game) and games such as Outrun and Afterburner in the motorbike and missile sections are a definite wink to the Sega greats of days past.

Some of the gunfight sections between Bayonetta and Jeanne also smack heavily of an influence from Equilibrium, which is a pedigree that this game should be rightly proud.

The basis of the totally over the top plot, is that you play as Bayonetta, a witch, who in a deal with the demons from Inferno, must kill angels from Paradiso daily to prevent being dragged into Inferno for eternal suffering. The opening credits also reveal that in the past, a member of the Umbran Witches and their counterpart, the Luman Sages (who draw power from Paradiso) sired a child, which was a long held taboo.

One Medieval witch hunt later, and it appears you are the last Umbran Witch, having been buried at the bottom of a lake for several centuries. This has the added benefit, that Bayonetta has lost most of her memories, and so is also discovering the story alongside you as you progress through the game.

I played this game to the end and as is tradition with a lot of Japanese based plots, I still had little idea what the hell was going on throughout the game by the end of it… The soundtrack, I can understand could be a marmite aspect, you will either love it or hate it. Personally, I loved it. The Brenda Lee rendition of “fly me to the moon” fits perfectly alongside the pop/funk soundtrack, although I did feel that it was probably slightly over-played. I cannot fail to mention, the over the top dance video at the end of the game, which would have put a grin on the face of any pre-pubescent boys who played this game, and maybe a few of their older counterparts (looking at you Matt…)

Gameplay varies little, apart from the aforementioned Outrun and Afterburner tribute levels, this is your generic hack and slash.

Initially, during the opening credits, you have a fighting section where if you have never played the game, you will button mash to death.

You are then thrown into a tutorial section, where against a red screen and infinitely spawning enemies, you can practice the combo abilities to your heart’s content. Once you are fully armed, it’s on to the main event, despatching angels. String together enough combos without getting hit and you will charge your Torture ability. This is a high damage attack, which takes you outside of combat to focus solely on the enemy you are targeting when it is activated. These tortures are also varied by the rank of angel you are fighting, but you will see them all countless times before the end of the game. Another arrow in Bayonetta’s quiver is Witch time. This slow motion trigger, is activated by dodging an enemy attack at the last second, which slows time to allow you to unleash hell (sorry for the pun) on the unsuspecting angels.

Finally, you have the true beauty that is the boss fights. These take obvious inspiration from God of War’s epic boss fights by the sheer scale of size, but the premise remains largely the same as the combat throughout the game.

Fire off your combos until you are prompted to execute your Torture ability, while occasionally participating in quick time events during the fight. Each of the Tortures this time, are based on Wicked Weave, which is Bayonetta’s ability to channel demons into the world through the medium of her hair. These moves look fantastic, with huge Wolves, Crows and even Spiders forming in the sky looming over the angels and descending on them to finish them off and drag them to the inferno, as payment for Bayonetta’s demon cohorts.

It will please the boysnthat this is when Bayonetta is at her most naked, as not only does her hair form demons, but it also makes up the one-piece cat suit she wears throughout. (Again, Far Eastern culture has left me at a loss).

In addition to all of the above, each chapter is broken down into sections, which are ranked, and then an overall rank and leaderboard position is derived from your speed, combo and ability to avoid being hit, and this game cries out for you to give it “one more go” even after the credits have rolled, which I have to mention appears to happen at least 4 times as the game has one of the longest, and most epic endings to a game I have played since Final Fantasy X.

This game can be played as a button masher, but like all of the games I mentioned at the start, to get the most out of it you have to learn the combo’s to get the most joy out of this game.

To end on a quote from Luca, one of the secondary characters from the game…”I’ve got to give you credit Bayonetta, you never cease to impress….”

What have we been playing?

Matt continues with Saints Row: The Third, joins the community for Gears of War 3 & Full House Poker and discusses his experience with Bastion DLC.

Daren talks Flashpoints among other things with Star Wars the Old Republic, grabs Broken Sword 2: Remastered on iOS and returns to Osmos.

In the news

Possible Diablo 3 release date, rumours of new Microsoft and Sony hardware at E3, Xbox Live account phishing, XBL Indie games given greater file size capacity, X-COM making a strategic comeback, House of the Dead 3 & 4 HD’s incoming, Star Trek Online free to play date confirmed, Microsoft Flight launches as free to play, Lego Batman 2 announced and the best SWTOR glitch ever.

Soundtrack of our gaming lives

In this episode, Matt selects the opening cinematic from Final Fantasy VIII.

In addition you get the usual suspects; Retail Roundup, New Releases, DLC and the Sexy Quiz.

Subscribe to the show on iTunes & leave us a sexy review. Download direct or listen here.

As always we really appreciate feedback so tell us what you thought of the show or expand on the discussion points raised by leaving a comment.

What have we been playing?

Matt dices with Joe Danger, continues with Saints Row: The Third and reunites himself with Bayonetta.

Daren completes the Gears of War 3 campaign, shares early impressions of Star Wars: The Old Republic, and plays Monopoly on iOS.

In the news

Aion going free to play in February, Command and Conquer browser game coming, APB free to play drawing large crowds. Devil May Cry HD collection release date, Kingdom Hearts 3DS announced, Lego embracing Lord of the Rings franchise and Need for Speed World releasing a $100 car.

Soundtrack of our gaming lives

In this episode, Monkeysdad selects Buggie Running Beeps from Rez.

In addition you get the usual suspects; Retail Roundup, New Releases, DLC and the Sexy Quiz.

Subscribe to the show on iTunes & leave us a sexy review. Download direct or listen here.

As always we really appreciate feedback so tell us what you thought of the show or expand on the discussion points raised by leaving a comment.

This month Greg Giddens and Neale Jarrett suffer through Kane & Lynch: Dead Men.

We hated it and the community clearly did as well. The AI was inconsistent, the cover ineffective, the gunplay crap and story uninspired. The tragic thing was the untapped potential behind the characters.

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Our main theme tune is from OverClocked Remix , Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance: I Need Scissors! 61! remix by Prince of Darkness (Tony Dickinson).

Our winner this month for their comment is MaGe1974. Congratulations to him and you can all enjoy his radio play comment below as well as in the opening few minutes of the podcast where we act it out. Honourable mention also goes to Silent Otto for suffering through and completing Kane & Lynch:
—
Sit down, Mr Kane. I’d just like to ask you some questions.

Am I being charged here?

Well, maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. Up to you to fill us in best you can. If you can justify what went on perhaps

you’ll walk out of here a free man.

OK…let’s get started then, just means the sooner I get out of here.

So Mr Kane (flips through game manual), says here the first time we hear about you is in 2007? Apparently there’s another fracas involving you in 2010 but, for today, let’s concentrate on 2007.

Fine by me…

Got yourself in a mite of trouble didn’t you, Mr Kane?

A little, made for a promising story being busted out of custody though…

Can you fill us in on what happened exactly?

Well…difficult to give you all the detail… things were a little hazy, people were speaking without moving their lips, everything seemed to flicker…

Says here you opened fire on the police department?

Hell yes, they were firing on me! Didn’t hit that many though…

Were you concussed?
Yeah, I might have been. Don’t know how else my aim could have been so clumsy. Arm just felt like someone had nailed a long, stiff piece of wood to it – really unresponsive. Felt sluggish, really difficult to set my aim…

Managed to shoot and injure some officers?

Think so, don’t what chickenshit gear I was packing though. It said machine gun but I must have put half a dozen bullets into some of the uniforms and they still didn’t go down even though the recoil was massive. It also sounded like I was using a BB gun rather than serious hardware.

Doesn’t sound very realistic, Mr Kane.

Well, like you said, I must have been concussed or something.

OK, let’s move onto the bank heist…

I was trying to save my family!

Calm down, Mr Kane, we’re just filling in the blanks here. Again, there’s clear evidence here that you used firearms on law enforcement.

I had no choice! Although everyone was telling me to be careful there was no real stealth option. I was pretty much forced to off every officer in the area just to go forward. That time, trying to get into the vault, I even had to retrace my steps back out of the bank and shoot a uniform left standing outside before my colleague would open the bloody door!

Again, I have to say the whole thing doesn’t sound very realistic, Mr Kane.

You’re telling me, and I haven’t mentioned the van we escaped in yet, must have had the worst suspension in history the way everything seemed to jump up and down during my little chats with Lynch.

Ah yes, Mr Lynch, your associate. Helpful?

He was clearly insane as his actions in the bank showed but he behaved as well as any of my team when given an instruction.

Not very well then.

You’ve got the file, read it for yourself.

You showed remarkable resilience throughout your little adventure, Mr Kane.
There are reasons for that – I got shot a hell of a lot and my friends had a shitload of adrenaline shots to get me back on my feet.

Why not use cover?

Yeah, good question. Walls around here must be funny or something but half the time I went for cover I just ended up running into them and, when I did find some environment that wanted to cover me, I still ended up getting hit by
bullets. You police using ammunition that goes around corners now?!

Sounds like you were up against it then?

I wish – like I said, the walls were pretty evasive. S’ok though because your officers were pretty dumb anyway. I saw them dry humping walls that weren’t there and take cover behind features that were only knee high. Huh, huh. They
looked pretty stupid.

We can’t all be born with such high levels of intelligence as yourself, Mr Kane. I notice that a few of your friends apparently stood rather obligingly in the open to get shot at as well.

I can’t vouch for them, perhaps they had a death wish or something. Sure made it easy just to send them ahead as bait, especially as your guys seemed to spawn from nowhere when those mugs crossed a certain point.

(Silence)

So, after our discussion and all the things that went wrong, are you sticking with your story, Mr Kane? Your whole adventure sounds like a very old fashioned experience, not the kind that this generation sees at all.

Yeah, I guess I am. My story is an interesting one, just presented in an incredibly frustrating and rough round the edges way – I’m no storyteller. The people pulling my strings in the background must have had other things on their mind, I’ve heard something about an agent 47?…

Oh, come now, Mr Kane, they say that Agent 47 is nothing but a myth…but who knows? Let’s hope rumour of a second sequel for you is more unlikely…

(Game manual is slapped shut)

Time’s up, Mr Kane. Nice try but we’re charging you anyway.

Broken promises, eh, copper?

After your two outings, you should know all about those, Mr Kane.

What have we been playing?

Matt continues his adventures with Skyrim, flashes back to his TV youth with Voltron and has hella-fun with Saints Row: The Third.

Daren vents over attempts to play Batman: Arkham City on PC, is late to the party with Bully: Scholarship Edition, and brings you up to date with his journey into the world of Railworks 3: Train Simulator 2012.

In the news this week

Spike Video Game Awards and world exclusives, how the internet reacts to rumours of Miyamoto retiring, more Half Life episode 3 rumours, South Park going RPG, a new Dr Who game announced, Chrono Trigger now available on iOS, Skyrim 1.3 patch details and new Xbox 360 dashboard opinions.

Soundtrack of our gaming lives

This week: Matt selects Build That Wall (Zia’s Theme) from the VGA winning Bastion.

In addition you get the usual suspects; Retail Roundup, New Releases, DLC and the Sexy Quiz.

As mentioned on the show we’d love to read out your memorable gaming Christmas stories. So drop us an email to podcast@midlifegamer.net.

Subscribe to the show on iTunes & leave us a sexy review. Download direct or listen here.

As always we really appreciate feedback so tell us what you thought of the show or expand on the discussion points raised by leaving a comment.

Welcome to Spoiler Alert, a new monthly podcast where Greg Giddens and two guests talk about a recently released game in-between pointing fun at each other.

This month is all about The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

In this special, extra long show the trio, Greg Giddens, Neale Jarrett (Baron Von Pleb) and Steve Peacock share their experience with this epic RPG. Two and a half hours of anecdotes, awesome music, peculiar facts and stories of adventure will entertain you, make you laugh and compel you to dive straight back in to this brilliant game.

Of course it’s called Spoiler Alert for a reason, so expect stories about certain quests, and occurrences which you may not have experienced yourself. But the nature of Skyrim, with its open-world and dynamic content, means spoilers are kept to a minimum and we make a point of not discussing any end game content.

So enjoy the podcast and continue to share your own adventures in the forums and the posts below.

Direct Download

What have we been playing?

Matt has a quiet week, but manages a little Skyrim.

Daren gets sidetracked from Skyrim with Xenoblade Chronicles.

In the news this week

Playstation Vita launch titles detailed, EA flip-flopping over free Battlefield 1943 for Battlefield 3 PS3 owners, classic 8-bit character Dizzy making a mobile comeback, hints at a Gears of War prequel trilogy, Catherine coming to the UK and Chuck Norris stars in the latest WOW advert.

Soundtrack of our gaming lives

This week: Daren selects the main theme from Skyrim.

In addition you get the usual suspects; Retail Roundup, New Releases, DLC and the Sexy Quiz.

Here’s the link for the MoLife Gamer donation page for Movember. All donations gratefully received.

We’re still on the hunt for your own personal ‘Stories from Skyrim’. So please recount your adventures, using the power of e-mail to podcast@midlifegamer.net.

Subscribe to the show on iTunes & leave us a sexy review. Download direct or listen here.

As always we really appreciate feedback so tell us what you thought of the show or expand on the discussion points raised by leaving a comment.

What have we been playing?

Matt polishes off Unchrted 3: Drakes Deception & laments social omissions from Gears of War 3.

Daren joins Matt in a good old circle-jerk over The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

In the news this week

Micrsosoft talking up cloud gaming, Sony detail PS Vita UMD Passport, online retailers facing VAT loophole closure, Call of Duty Elite pass fix incoming, Trenched becomes Iron Brigade & gets a Eurpoean release date, Diablo 3 beta keys up for grabs, Minecraft now available on iOS, PETA attack Mario over his wearing of fur, Star Trek Online F2P date and Bethesda recognise & reward the 11.11.11 Dovahkiin named baby.

Soundtrack of our gaming lives

This week: Communit Manager Baron Von Pleb shares a personal story, and selects Fallout 3′s ‘I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire’ by The Ink Spots.

In addition you get the usual suspects; Retail Roundup, New Releases, DLC and the Sexy Quiz.

We’re asking for your own personal ‘Stories from Skyrim’. So please recount your adventures, using the power of e-mail to podcast@midlifegamer.net.

Subscribe to the show on iTunes & leave us a sexy review. Download direct or listen here.

Thanks to those who fed back via comments last week, you’ve restored my faith in the internet. As always we really appreciate feedback so tell us what you thought of the show or expand on the discussion points raised by leaving a comment.