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has anyone ever ballsed up to this degree. PLEASE VIEW THIS WEEKEND!!!


Apr 26th 2013



Ep 87: Heavy Wayne

posts 61


Post edited 22:53 – Apr 26th 2013 by metalshed



Thank you for viewing this in my time of need.  I need some SERIOUS advice, please please help, and feel free to laugh, i am…. in between being incredibly anxious. 


This is the 100% truth, no falsification, no exageration. 


This evening, i was out walking my dog, as i do every night.  I was drinking a beer (as i do most nights) as it's a Friday.  In my boredom i began reflecting on the day ive had.  An event stuck out in my mind and i sent the following message, intended for my closest friend with whom i share a particularly bizzare sense of humour.  This is the text as sent, exactly as sent:-


'heres a serious question for ya, if your out in public, ie a supermarket and get a SERIOUSLY itchy arse, the kind you only get when you seriously need a shit, like on the verge of a turtles head, how do ya deal with it?  Do you do the cheek clench, pretend to adjust your trousers or try and rub yourself against something, all of which will work but only for a few seconds, and may risk you getting your kegs dirty.  Or just embarass yourself and fukin dive in, which WILL work but also WILL spread shit on ya kegs.  This is a serious question.  Discuss it and let me know, then ill tell you how i did it.  Everybodies been there and nobody talks about it.  i'm BREAKING down the boundary!!!'



Now then….  imagine accidentally sending that to your F***ING boss.  I shit you not, a world renowned proffessor and my personal supervisor.  uh oh!!!  uh oh!!! UH OHH!!!


This is for real, pleaase help.  and laugh……. if you have to… at my stupidity

Apr 27th 2013


Emeryville, CA USA

Community Manager

posts 1386


Sound's like the premise to an 80's sitcom.

We need to break into his office and replace the answering machine tape.

Hilarity ensues.


However, I have to admit I'm kind of flummoxed over this concept of an itchy ass if you need to poo principle.


By chance do they still make low fat food with Olestra in the UK? We outlawed that shit here in America because of the whole anal leakage business.


Apr 27th 2013


Ep 60: The late show

posts 317


Post edited 10:33 – Apr 27th 2013 by Type40_Dashboxer

I don't understand the itchy thing either. By the sound of it, you need to see your Doctor! But(t) I would clench. And get to the toilet – they have them in supermarkets! As for the phone – well, just tell him it's for some scientific research your working on.

<a href="http://gamercards.exophase.com/psn/user/Dashboxer/"><img src="http://gamercards.exophase.com/449143.png"></a>

Apr 27th 2013

Bob Lord of Doom

Fife, Scotland

Ep 44: PSP Go is erm…. go

posts 572


All I can say is come out straight and say you were having a joke with a friend seeing how disgusting you can get and the dam phone sent it to him

Apr 27th 2013


Ep 71: Hello Computer

posts 172


I agree with Bob on this, just contact you're boss and tell him/her the truth. After all, you are not disrespecting you're boss in the message and its a problem solving question that requires a thoughtful answer. He/she may solve the question for you.

Apr 27th 2013



posts 1640


Mate your heart must have sunk when you realised.

I had a friend grab my phone, call a random person and leave a voice mail saying "Wanna see my willy?"

Was sent to my boss, a woman.

I quickly sent a text following up saying that was someone being a dick on my phone – any chance you can pretend someone else did it, not knowing it was going to your boss – someone trying to embarrass you?


I think if he's a cool boss he'll respond with just as gross an answers smile

Apr 28th 2013



Ep 87: Heavy Wayne

posts 61


Guys, thank you all so much for your advice.  Ive had a alot of time to reflect on the situation, and think im gonna opt for Bob and Arthur's approach.  And Matt, regarding having a cool boss, i was talking to my wife just last week saying i wish i could let my hair down a bit more around my boss, as i think we would share a laugh at times.  Hey what better an ice breaker than to enquire into his arse itching habits! 


As for the having an itchy arse when i need a shit, yes perhaps this is a personal problem, i may need to keep a closer eye on this occurance.  Perhaps the two were coincidentally timed, thus the risk of gettig shit on me kegs…  Ill research this one.


Strangely enough, i am actualy working in research at the present time, so type 40's response may be a back up plan!!


Again, thank you all so much for you support,  i promise i will come back and update this forum with the outcome, no matter how shitey or joyous it is.


Mat, how did your boss take such a subtle proposal?


Thanks guys.


PSN metalshed

Apr 29th 2013



posts 1640


Hey man

Good to hear you've had a few days to mull it over – if your anything like me, you beat yourself up more than you need in such situations.

I was lucky as the boss at the time only looking after the ship while the real boss was away (not to mention I hated my job and her)…..

Do keep us posted on your first day back in – fingers crossed it'll have a good ending – could be the start of a brilliant working relationship 

Apr 29th 2013



Ep 87: Heavy Wayne

posts 61


worked from home today, will see my boss tomoow without doubt as i have a meeting with him at 10.  ill keep you posted guys.

May 1st 2013



Ep 87: Heavy Wayne

posts 61




To end this thread, heres the conclusion of this whole farce. 


Tuesday morning.  10.00am


Sitting in my office, earlier that mornig, i had updated my research assistant with the situation.  She found it highly amusing, and felt that the gaffa wouldnt give a shit.




Enter boss. I turn, smile and ask, so are you going to join my research panel….  boss stated he knew nothing of the text.  Ireminded him f date and thank the fuking lord he laughed his rich arse off, stating he had found it hilarious, had shown it to his wife and kids.  


Queue much hillarity.  Thank you all so much for you support.  Topic done.

May 1st 2013



posts 1640


A great end to a great tail.


May 1st 2013



Ep 88: Welease Woger

posts 57


what a great story, I was laughing my arse off, glad it was all sorted in the end tho.


May 2nd 2013



Ep 47: 2 guys, 1 mic

posts 505


Glad that had a happy ending, I've worked for some people that wouldn't see the funny side lol

May 3rd 2013


King's Lynn, Norfolk

MLGX Completionist
MLGX Completionist

posts 284


What should you do when you fart in a bird's bed, and realise that the night before you ate your sweetcorn too fast? How do you explain the single ear of sweetcorn firing directly out of your arse, hearing it ricochet off the wood chip (leaving a dirty pock mark) and ending up in her hair? Do you bring attention to it, or hope she'll brush it out in the morning? It happens to us all, but we never talk about it!

May 3rd 2013


King's Lynn, Norfolk

MLGX Completionist
MLGX Completionist

posts 284


Post edited 01:08 – May 3rd 2013 by beefkr10z

Oh, balls! Just realised I posted that on the wrong forum!

May 3rd 2013


Ep 60: The late show

posts 317


Good ending! Everybody loves a bit of filthy British humour.

<a href="http://gamercards.exophase.com/psn/user/Dashboxer/"><img src="http://gamercards.exophase.com/449143.png"></a>

May 18th 2013


Ep 87: Heavy Wayne

posts 60


Mis-sent texts are a curse of the modern age. Shane Warne was busted for his lates idiscretion when he sent a text written to his bit on the side to his Mrs.


I know of a chap who sent a text concerning his future erotic plans involving a nurse's uniform to entirely the wrong lady.


I also work with a woman whose son came back from her ex-partner's house brandishing his sheriff's handcuffs saying "Daddy's got some of these in his bedroom".


"Ah, I see you've found my sheriff's handcuffs… and my sheriff's ball-gag…. and my sheriff's nipple clamps…"

Jul 7th 2013



Ep 87: Heavy Wayne

posts 61


Just reading this back…  Hahahahaha, how fuking lucky was i that i didnt get a severe disciplinary…  Actually went out with the guy on Friday night and had a chuckle about the whole farce.  I'd only been in post as a psychological research therapist for about 2 month when i sent this message and had been sternly upholding my professionalism.  Things are so much less strained now.  Thank you all again for taking this frankly ridiculously comical post seriously.


And just to clear up, i dont think my arse was itchycos i needed a dump, it was a hot day, i just happenened to have an obscenely itchy arse in reponse to the heat…   And i solved this issue mainly with a subtle readjustments with the hope of leaving a public place rapidly,its like waiting for christmas morning as a kid, such anticipationof the eventual release.  plus im oneof 'those' people who hates using public toilets,not in an ocd way, i find it hard to relax into a satisfying chod when the toilet doors open at home for fuck sake, making public toilets a no-go. 


Speaking of which, quick whip around, does anyone else require a controlled environemnt in order to successfuly lay a cable?


Love as ever….

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